mtm105
Well-Known Member
. What’s the difference between a Stadium Rock Guitarist and a Jazz Guitarist?
A. A Stadium Rock Guitarist plays 3 chords to thousands of people and Jazz guitarist plays thousands of chords to three people.
Q. How does a guitarist turn on his amplifier?
A. He strokes it softly and tells it he loves it.
Q. How do you work out who the guitarist is at a party?
A. He’ll tell you.
Q. Why do guitarists have to wake by 6?
A. Because most shops close by 5.30.
Q. What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a bass player?
A. A tattoo.
Q. How can you tell a guitarist is at your door?
A. By the Dominos Pizza hat.
Q. How do you get two guitar players to play in perfect unison?
A. Shoot One.
Q. What's the difference between a fiddle & a violin?
A. Who cares - neither one's a guitar!
Q. What do you say to a jazz guitarist at work?
A. Big Mac and fries please!
Q. How many bassists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One, but the guitarist has to show him how to do it first!
Q. Why are so many guitar player jokes one liners?
A. So the rest of the band can understand them.
Q. What is a gentleman?
A. Someone who knows how to play Heavy Metal Music but doesn't.
Q. What do a cup of coffee and Eric Clapton have in common?
A. They’re both rubbish without Cream
Q. How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune?
A. Evidently all of them.
Q. What's the difference between a guitarist and a puppy?
A. The puppy will stop whining after a couple of months.
Q. How many bluegrass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Five - One to turn the bulb and four to complain that it's electric.
Q. What's black and blue and laying in a ditch?
A. A guitarist who's told too many drummer jokes.
Q. How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None - they just steal somebody else's light.
Q. How do you improve the aerodynamics of a guitarist’s car?
A. Take the Domino’s Pizza sign off the roof.
Q. Why is a laundromat a bad place for a musician to pick up women?
A. Women who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Q. What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A. A music critic.
Q. Why do some people have an instant aversion to lead guitarists?
A. It saves time in the long run.
Q. What’s worse than telling jokes about Guitarists?
A. Laughing at them.
Q. What's the difference between a folk guitar player and a large pizza?
A. A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Q. What is a gentleman?
A. A guitarist who can play fusion but doesn’t.
Q. What would a guitarist do if he won a million dollars?
A. Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.
Q. In the 22nd Century, how many guitarists will it take to change a light source?
A. 5 - 1 to do it and 4 to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were.
Q. How does a Lead Guitarist change a light bulb?
A. He holds it and the world revolves around him.
Q. What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
A. Homeless.
Q. How long does it take to tune a 12-string guitar?
A. Nobody knows.
Q. What did the blues guitarist’s gravestone say?
A. “I didn’t wake up this morning.”
Q. What do you do if your rhythm guitarist is drowning?
A. Throw him his amp.
Q. How does a guitar player show he’s planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Q. What’s the range of a Gibson Les Paul?
A. Depends on how far you throw it.
Q. How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one– but he’ll go though a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.
A young child says to his mother, "Mum, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well darling, you know you can't do both."
A. A Stadium Rock Guitarist plays 3 chords to thousands of people and Jazz guitarist plays thousands of chords to three people.
Q. How does a guitarist turn on his amplifier?
A. He strokes it softly and tells it he loves it.
Q. How do you work out who the guitarist is at a party?
A. He’ll tell you.
Q. Why do guitarists have to wake by 6?
A. Because most shops close by 5.30.
Q. What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a bass player?
A. A tattoo.
Q. How can you tell a guitarist is at your door?
A. By the Dominos Pizza hat.
Q. How do you get two guitar players to play in perfect unison?
A. Shoot One.
Q. What's the difference between a fiddle & a violin?
A. Who cares - neither one's a guitar!
Q. What do you say to a jazz guitarist at work?
A. Big Mac and fries please!
Q. How many bassists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One, but the guitarist has to show him how to do it first!
Q. Why are so many guitar player jokes one liners?
A. So the rest of the band can understand them.
Q. What is a gentleman?
A. Someone who knows how to play Heavy Metal Music but doesn't.
Q. What do a cup of coffee and Eric Clapton have in common?
A. They’re both rubbish without Cream
Q. How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune?
A. Evidently all of them.
Q. What's the difference between a guitarist and a puppy?
A. The puppy will stop whining after a couple of months.
Q. How many bluegrass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Five - One to turn the bulb and four to complain that it's electric.
Q. What's black and blue and laying in a ditch?
A. A guitarist who's told too many drummer jokes.
Q. How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None - they just steal somebody else's light.
Q. How do you improve the aerodynamics of a guitarist’s car?
A. Take the Domino’s Pizza sign off the roof.
Q. Why is a laundromat a bad place for a musician to pick up women?
A. Women who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Q. What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A. A music critic.
Q. Why do some people have an instant aversion to lead guitarists?
A. It saves time in the long run.
Q. What’s worse than telling jokes about Guitarists?
A. Laughing at them.
Q. What's the difference between a folk guitar player and a large pizza?
A. A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Q. What is a gentleman?
A. A guitarist who can play fusion but doesn’t.
Q. What would a guitarist do if he won a million dollars?
A. Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.
Q. In the 22nd Century, how many guitarists will it take to change a light source?
A. 5 - 1 to do it and 4 to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were.
Q. How does a Lead Guitarist change a light bulb?
A. He holds it and the world revolves around him.
Q. What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
A. Homeless.
Q. How long does it take to tune a 12-string guitar?
A. Nobody knows.
Q. What did the blues guitarist’s gravestone say?
A. “I didn’t wake up this morning.”
Q. What do you do if your rhythm guitarist is drowning?
A. Throw him his amp.
Q. How does a guitar player show he’s planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Q. What’s the range of a Gibson Les Paul?
A. Depends on how far you throw it.
Q. How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one– but he’ll go though a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.
A young child says to his mother, "Mum, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well darling, you know you can't do both."
