the band member venting thread

[PelliX]

Being in a band would be fun if it weren’t for having to deal with musicians.

...*and* the drummer...

 

[10kDA]

Maybe we can get your three and my three together.
Call ourselves, What's Left

Pretty sure one of my three gave up playing a long time ago, so that makes everything that much less complicated.

 

[GibsonMarshallGuy47]

lately, it seems our bassist is the one guy in my band that has been getting under my skin... the odd thing about it is that he is also a guitarist, and plays in another band. as a matter of fact, with most of the bands he's ever been in, he has played guitar. in one other band, he even played drums. he's a very talented guy, a very smart computer nerd that knows a lot about home recording, and tons of technical stuff... needless to say, in our band, he's hit or miss... sometimes his playing is fine, and other times he is either sloppily messing up songs that we've been rehearsing for over a year now, OR we get to a certain point in a specific song, and he just stops playing completely... WTF??...

to put it into context, this is an original punk/metal band we are doing mainly just for fun, but we do eventually want to do some recording, and play some local gigs. its very challenging to make any progress in this band, considering the fact that with everyone's busy schedules (there's 5 guys in this band), we are usually only able to practice maybe once every 3 weeks, on average. I've more or less accepted this, since we all have full-time jobs, and families (wife & kids). I completely understand that we all have important priorities in our lives and that band stuff is fairly low on the totem pole, but I feel like when we do finally get together to rehearse as a band, we should all be fully focused and committed to being 100% mentally present to the task at hand.

in a band, when you have everyone firing on all cylinders, and ONE guy who 50% of the time is, and 50% of the time barely cares enough to play his parts, that poses a problem. and yeah, I get it - we're mainly just doing this band for fun - but we are ALL on the same page when it comes to bringing it to the next level (recording a demo, and playing a few live gigs once in a while). I reached out to our singer to get his take on all this, and of course, he's ghosted me the past 2 and a half days. lovely.

 

[GibsonMarshallGuy47]

UPDATE:
had a serious discussion with our singer... apparently he also has some issues with this band as well. as it turns out, he has been teetering on the edge of quitting and/or dissolving this band for a while now... judging from our conversation, we've pretty much agreed that this band has a few fatal flaws that we more than likely are not going to be able to get past, so there is a good chance that we are probably going to call it quits.

 

[GibsonMarshallGuy47]

so, here's my dilemma now...

so, we're a band of 5 guys... instead of texting or calling each other, we have a Google Chat conversation thread that we've kept going for years now, to communicate all band activity, like - coordinating band practices, communicating about writing songs, talk about music in general, music gear, playing shows, etc... a few days ago I told the guys my decision about quiting the band. I gave a long explanation about why and how I came to my decision. it was essentially about us becoming a bit stagnant as a band, and the fact that we have pretty much been stuck in neutral for the past year, which led me to pick now as a good time to respectfully bow out. I told them I wasn't feeling the music anymore and I felt the need to do other things. basically, I just felt it was time for me. I told them I thought they could be a great 4-piece and gave them my blessing to continue on... shortly afterwards I got a response in our band chat from ONE other guy, telling me he was sorry to see me go, and thay he understood how I felt, and wished me the best... NONE of the other 3 guys have responded at all, whatsoever... that was 4 days ago that I gave them the news of my departure. I even messaged our singer privately the next day (it's his basement that we rehearse at) to ask him to let me know when would be a good time to stop by to grab my gear (my speaker cab, amp head, and power conditioner strip). 3 days have passed since that message, and no response at all.

are these guys ghosting me?? did I piss them off bad enough that they are purposely ignoring me? first of all, getting no response at all from 3 of the 4 guys shows me how little they think of me, which only confirms that I made the right choice to leave... aside from that - I want my damn gear back. I don't want to be a nag, but at the same time, I'm wondering how much longer I have to wait before I send a follow up message. the bottom line is - this is really giving me a lot of anxiety and a deep feeling of disappointment.

 

[GibsonMarshallGuy47]

UPDATE:
so... its been about 2 weeks since I dropped the bomb on the other guys in my band. among the other 4 guys, I get one guy responding with a "I understand, you need to do what you need to do. I respect that. sorry to see you go. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you do."... then nothing from the rest of them... then several days later, I get an annoyed guilt trip message from our singer, who always seemed to have an issue with me in so many different ways. I fully expected that response from him. and basically nothing else from the other 2 guys. lovely. it only confirms that me leaving the band was the right decision... the only thing is - I've been messaging the guy who is the singer (we practiced in his basement), and he is avoiding me. I still have some of my guitar gear there, and I need to make arrangements to get it. its been almost 2 weeks now, and I'm starting to get pissed.

I'm just done with the same old tired, paint-by-numbers punk riffs, the same generic drum beats, the same predictable shouted vocals with the same lyrics. I'm done with having to wait 3 weeks between practices, which pretty much kills whatever progress we've made up to then. I'm done with a bassist that barely cares enough to get through the songs during our rehearsals, playing sloppily, and sometimes not playing at all, and then seeing videos on Instagram of him playing his ass off on guitar, with the other band he's in. I'm done with my creative input being brushed aside 50% of the time. after several years of this b.s., I'm just ready to move on.

I already have a goal about the type of band I want to form. its not going to be anything resembling hardcore punk. its going to be a power trio. I've learned that the less people in a band, the better. I'm ready to start the next creative, musical chapter in my life.

 

[woodsrock]

I've been playing guitar in a punk/heavy rock band for a while now. its actually been an ever evolving band with many line-up changes that has taken place over the past several years. we've even made a band name change recently to reflect our most recent line-up change - about 6 months ago, our drummer (who has been less than proficient on drums, leaving much to be desired) has switched to guitar... he's a slightly better guitarist than he is a drummer, but not by much... we then replaced him with a much better drummer, who I've been extremely happy with... I should also point out that our current drummer, 2nd guitarist, and bassist also happen to be in another band on the side (in their other band, the bassist does vocals/guitar, and the other 2 guys switch up back and forth between drums, and bass/vocals).

things have been going ok so far, but that's not to say that there hasn't been things that have frustrated me over the past year or so... our bassist is a guy I've known for many years. in the realm of punk/metal, he's actually an awesome guitarist... but for some reason (and I have no idea why), regarding his bass playing skills, it seems as if his playing abilities have actually gone down a notch. you put a guitar in his hands, and he's a seasoned, chugging riff machine, but you put a bass in his hands, and its as if he just started playing like, a few years ago (he's been playing for literally DECADES)... its the weirdest thing.

and then there is the OTHER guitarist (the guy that used to be our drummer)... he's an OK guitarist. he's just about good enough to get through the songs (which, I might add, are nowhere near complicated at all). sometimes it will frustrate me because we will play a song that we've rehearsed countless times for over a year now, and because we might not have practiced it in a while (our busy schedules sometime dictate that we go a few weeks without having a band rehearsal), the other guys will tend to sound unusually sloppy, as if we just wrote the song last week.... am I missing something? is it a subconscious bout of laziness? is it just that they don't really care and aren't as emotionally invested in this band? I have no idea.

our singer is a good guy - he is sort of the organizational guy in the band when it comes to promotional stuff, band art/imagery, website stuff, booking shows, writing lyrics, plus we rehearse in his basement... if it was up to me, I would replace our bassist, and second guitarist... hell, if it was up to me, I would keep this band as a one-guitarist band. but in my opinion, those two guys are holding us back, and its really bugging me. I'm just venting here to get all this off my chest. anyone else here ever have to deal with these issues?

Hello, take that bass away from him and put a guitar in his hands if he's that good at it, instead of bass, get rid of the other so called drummer guitar player and get you some dedicated guys, to say they have time to rehearse (Practice is at home) Rehearsal is once a week) once a week is ridiculous, In the past I have driven 60 miles round trip once a week to rehearse and I had a full time job and it was in Fricking Wyoming, (in Denver now for 40 years) If you're the one that is always ready and the others are not it's either they don't have the time to dedicate some time once week to be in a band then move on, or they just don't care so get rid of them. if you wait for these kinds of people you will never have a kickass band, there are players out there at all levels that would take there place. sounds like you and the other guy you mentioned are the only ones in this band that really want to do it, and to find someone who likes all the business part of it you're doing great. so get some new members or you will never get out of the basement. I wish you the best!

 

[GibsonMarshallGuy47]

Hello, take that bass away from him and put a guitar in his hands if he's that good at it, instead of bass, get rid of the other so called drummer guitar player and get you some dedicated guys, to say they have time to rehearse (Practice is at home) Rehearsal is once a week) once a week is ridiculous, In the past I have driven 60 miles round trip once a week to rehearse and I had a full time job and it was in Fricking Wyoming, (in Denver now for 40 years) If you're the one that is always ready and the others are not it's either they don't have the time to dedicate some time once week to be in a band then move on, or they just don't care so get rid of them. if you wait for these kinds of people you will never have a kickass band, there are players out there at all levels that would take there place. sounds like you and the other guy you mentioned are the only ones in this band that really want to do it, and to find someone who likes all the business part of it you're doing great. so get some new members or you will never get out of the basement. I wish you the best!

in case you didn't see from my recent post, I quit that band a few weeks ago. I decided to move on. and look, we're all grown adults, and I don't want to have to be responsible to have to tell someone that they need to be more emotionally involved in the music, or they need to play more aggressively, or whatever... screw that... and aside from that, I'm not moving people around in the band either. we already switched our drummer to play guitar, and got a new drummer. no one else in that band had any desire to do any more instrument swapping. that would've turned into a clusterf*ck... but I digress... that band isn't my problem anymore. they will either continue as a 4-piece, or they will more than likely fizzle out and stop... I will be surprised if they get off their asses and actually do something (record demos, plays gigs, promote themselves, etc.).

 

[Spooky88]

I’m a bit late to this party but keeping good relationships with past (and possibly future) band members is never a bad thing. I keep in touch with damn near every former band member I’ve ever played with and there are many. Moving on from a musical situation that’s stagnant is a sign of maturity musically, remaining friends with those former band members is a sign of maturity personally.

 

[Jethro Rocker]

I’m a bit late to this party but keeping good relationships with past (and possibly future) band members is never a bad thing. I keep in touch with damn near every former band member I’ve ever played with and there are many. Moving on from a musical situation that’s stagnant is a sign of maturity musically, remaining friends with those former band members is a sign of maturity personally.

Good point. The originals band I was in that imploded in 2021 left some hard feelings but I took the high road and still keep contact. So if my current band can get some songs going and we might need another band or 2 to share a bill with, it's good to know that I can probably still count on that singer's current band.

 

[GibsonMarshallGuy47]

yeah, all the guys in the band that I just left I'm definitely still friends with. I feel like I left on good terms, although aside from a discussion with our singer, and a brief "I understand, man. I wish you lots of luck" from the other guitarist, I didn't get any response from the other two guys, which I thought was weird. I feel like my relationship with those guys are somewhere halfway between casual acquaintances, and close friends. some guys closer than others. but either way, yeah, there were no burned bridges. I'm still cool with them, for the most part. although I seriously doubt I would be in a band with any of those guys ever again.

 

[purpleplexi]

All of this is pretty much why I can't be bothered to get off my arse and start a band. No way am I joining an existing band again. Nor any band where the bass player says (in a whiney voice) I don't really like this song.....

 

[Whizzercone]

That's 1978 to 1981, young whippersnapper.
Only 3 still alive..
Myself 62
Drummer 68
Sax player 73

You John Wick or something?

 

[GibsonMarshallGuy47]

You John Wick or something?

 

[Whizzercone]

I thought he offed them...

 

[Vinsanitizer]

Being in a band would be fun if it weren’t for having to deal with musicians.

... and drummers.

 

[Vinsanitizer]

Today I learned that, just because I could buy this, it doesn't mean I should.
(See that? There's a difference between the "could" and the "should" parts.)



I have better things to do with FOUR. THOUSAND. DOLLARS, Plus sales tax.

But I definitely needed a consolation for exercising self-discipline, so I bought this instead:

 

[GibsonMarshallGuy47]

... and drummers.

yeah, after playing in tons of bands over the past 35 years, when it comes to hoping to connect with other potential band members, I've learned that for me, finding other like-minded guys that:
- are more than proficient at their instrument or craft
- are passionate, full of energy, creativity, and drive to play and write songs, and have musical goals that are aligned with my own
- have quality, reliable gear with great tone that they know how to use
- know how to and care enough to stay in tune
- are mature, civilized, have class, and have reliable transportation
- are really cool people that I connect with on a deeper, personal level
- actually live within an hour drive from me, and are available to commit to playing in a band with me on a regular, long-term basis

... is EXTREMELY rare these days. if I'm lucky, I will find other people that have maybe 2/3 of the qualities of this list. I don't know if I've ever found people to play with that possess all of these. and THAT makes me ponder whether or not I truly want to form a serious band at all, at my age (I'll be 49 in a month and a half).

 

[Vinsanitizer]

yeah, after playing in tons of bands over the past 35 years, when it comes to hoping to connect with other potential band members, I've learned that for me, finding other like-minded guys that:
- are more than proficient at their instrument or craft
- are passionate, full of energy, creativity, and drive to play and write songs, and have musical goals that are aligned with my own
- have quality, reliable gear with great tone that they know how to use
- know how to and care enough to stay in tune
- are mature, civilized, have class, and have reliable transportation
- are really cool people that I connect with on a deeper, personal level
- actually live within an hour drive from me, and are available to commit to playing in a band with me on a regular, long-term basis

... is EXTREMELY rare these days. if I'm lucky, I will find other people that have maybe 2/3 of the qualities of this list. I don't know if I've ever found people to play with that possess all of these. and THAT makes me ponder whether or not I truly want to form a serious band at all, at my age (I'll be 49 in a month and a half).

Same here. The last band I tried, in 2017, was a "classic rock" band, which didn't last long enough to gig before I gave up. I got tired of dealing with bands and quit gigging after that. It's enough work already, without 4-5 musicians texting and emailing and arguing back and forth all week. WAY too stressful. The last one I was in carried on for 2 weeks just trying to settle on a name. It's bar-room music - just call the band "Free Beer" already, who cares! Everyone had a different definition of what "kind" of classic rock songs to play: one wants Skynyrd and ZZ Top, the other w Beatles covers, and another guy wants songs people can dance to. Screw that. And besides, they all sucked anyway.

 

[GibsonMarshallGuy47]

Same here. The last band I tried, in 2017, was a "classic rock" band, which didn't last long enough to gig before I gave up. I got tired of dealing with bands and quit gigging after that. It's enough work already, without 4-5 musicians texting and emailing and arguing back and forth all week. WAY too stressful. The last one I was in carried on for 2 weeks just trying to settle on a name. It's bar-room music - just call the band "Free Beer" already, who cares! Everyone had a different definition of what "kind" of classic rock songs to play: one wants Skynyrd and ZZ Top, the other w Beatles covers, and another guy wants songs people can dance to. Screw that. And besides, they all sucked anyway.

I hear ya... with the band that I was just in for several years (up until a few months ago), it was maddening to attempt to pick a cover song that we all agreed on (we played mostly original material). we could never find a song that all 5 of us was ok with. and as for the whole band name thing - we actually switched our band name several times, because members kept getting replaced, and we would even switch around the roles of the different players... you're saying it only took you guys 2 weeks to pick a band name?? it took us WAY longer than that, each time.