in a dilemma ... need some advice, urgently

[paul-e-mann]

thanks for your input.

honestly, if we were going somewhere with set plans on activities that we were doing, and if it was somewhere we were really excited to go to, then we would not have a problem going. I'll spend the money and drive wherever, if me and my wife & kids are emotionally invested in going. but to go somewhere that we are absolutely NOT excited about, spend several thousands of dollars, and drive an entire day to get there, and then spend an entire week just enjoying the scenery while other people get plastered.... ugh... nope.

the thing is, the general consensus is that we are all just supposed to go along with it without question, considering the fact that its for such a landmark occasion, to celebrate my parents' 50th anniversary, and dad's 70th b-day. like, just suck it up and do it because we all love mom & dad.

I'm on your side

 

[Mitchell Pearrow]

If I really can’t afford it,, then that’s it.
No further discussion is necessary

 

[GibsonMarshallGuy47]

If you like skiing, camping, hiking, Vermont is the place to be, other than that who knows. Will they be staying at a resort hotel, that would be fun to just hang out at, meals, pool, golf maybe? You could go and just make the best of it, you might enjoy it! Hanging with the fam! Just trying to be positive.......I think I'd pass...

but... we will be driving 10-11 hours to get there, then 10-11 hours back... to drive ALL that way and only stay for 3 days just doesn't make much practical sense to me... if we were driving like 3 or 4 hours to get there, then maybe...

 

[geddy]

You clearly don't want to go and you seem hung up on the others drinking so i say don't go. It's not what I would do, probably, but a 10 hour drive in UK would likely have me driving into the sea, and I've been sensitive to this kind of thing since losing my mother suddenly. Unfortunately for you, no strangers on this forum can help asuage the guilt you seem to feel. Hope you sort this out

 

[crossroadsnyc]

If I really can’t afford it,, then that’s it.
No further discussion is necessary

Yep, this is what it all comes down to for me. If the trip was about spending time together as a family, then OP's folks should have either offered to cover some of the costs to make it affordable, or opted for a vacation destination which everyone can afford and enjoy.

Btw., this reminds me of one of those AITA stories on Reddit ... and no, NTA.

 

[GibsonMarshallGuy47]

and as for the whole drinking thing... just to clarify - my parents are not heavy drinkers. they will typically have an occasional drink once in a while, and that's pretty much it. I used to drink, so being around casual drinking I'm totally fine with... my brothers and their spouses, on the other hand... holy moly - when they start drinking, they don't stop. its far, FAR beyond what I would call casual drinking... and if me and my family go on this trip, I know for a fact that maybe 70 to 80% of the time we are there with them, they will be absolutely plastered. as a former drinker, I can say with experience that - sober people hanging out with drunk people is not fun at all... my dad will be sitting around complaining, staring at a lake or something, maybe having an occasional cigar, and my mom will be napping incessantly, OR she will want to go shopping for knick knacks... 2 or 3 days of this is one thing, but 6 or 7 days straight of this will get old REAL fast.

 

[chocol8]

Just tell your parents and siblings everything that you told us. If they want to do something with everyone, they will discuss alternatives. If not, don't go, you weren't wanted anyway.

 

[paul-e-mann]

but... we will be driving 10-11 hours to get there, then 10-11 hours back... to drive ALL that way and only stay for 3 days just doesn't make much practical sense to me... if we were driving like 3 or 4 hours to get there, then maybe...

Break the trip up with fun stops along the way. Heres an example: I did a trip from Baltimore to Cape Cod, I stopped at a party at my cousins in NJ and stayed over, stopped at Mystic Seaport in CT and stayed over, 3 days and 2 nights in Cape Cod, stopped at Times Square NYC on the way back and stayed over, drove home the next day to Baltimore. That was a good adventure and I didnt stay anywhere too long. I'm glad I didn't stay in Cape Cod a week theres not enough to do there and I would not want to drive straight through there that many hours!

 

[Deftone]

Since you are close to and visit with the family all the time and it's out of your budget, I would opt out.

 

[SonVolt]

I wish I was robbed of the memories of the drunken family get together.

When uncle Bob's passed out in his own vomit and his wife's Susy's tits fly out... well, the party's just getting started

 

[MarshallDog]

Wow, quiet the situation...family stuff...ugh!

Well, all I can reco is to go, make the best of it, enjoy family time as much as possible, life is short and can change in a flash. If you dont go it will cause hard feelings and you and your wife will feel bad about it also just as you feel bad no about potentially not going. You can probably go find a lot of cool things to do with your wife and kids while they go and drink but at least you can say you went once, spent time with your wife and kids and some time with your family. Its a shame they made decisions w/o considering yours but if you go once it will make it easier in the future to say no and I bet you will still have fun and be glad you went. Make it your own and enjoy, you dont have to do everything they do. Just MD's 2 cents. Good luck!

 

[MarshallDog]

Go and hang out, you can find the $$$$, don't be selfish. I did the same thing, avoided our Family reunion for years, well guess what, 3 of my family has died, didn't get to see them. I was selfish for making up excuses of why I didn't go (was the only one in a large Family that did not attend).

In the end, your Family is all you have, friends come and go but Blood is thick. Hey, if you don't like your Family, then don't go, but don't make up excuses for not going..........

Once they pass on, you won't get another chance.

Exactly, there have been several times I did not want to go do something with family (for whatever the reason) and went with a sour puss but guess what, once I was there and let my irritation go, I had a good time and was glad I went and was disappointed in myself that I had gotten myself all wrapped around the axle!!!

 

[Jethro Rocker]

Family is worth spending time with - if you enjoy it and them!
It sounds like this isn't your thing and you feel forced to do it. F that.
Just yell them how you feel and that you can't afford it.
Done.
Worst that happens is they are offended and then that's their problem, not yours.
Don't stress over it anymore. Get the monkey off your back. If they really want you to go they would pick a trip suitable for all.

 

[paul-e-mann]

Wow, quiet the situation...family stuff...ugh!

Well, all I can reco is to go, make the best of it, enjoy family time as much as possible, life is short and can change in a flash. If you dont go it will cause hard feelings and you and your wife will feel bad about it also just as you feel bad no about potentially not going. You can probably go find a lot of cool things to do with your wife and kids while they go and drink but at least you can say you went once, spent time with your wife and kids and some time with your family. Its a shame they made decisions w/o considering yours but if you go once it will make it easier in the future to say no and I bet you will still have fun and be glad you went. Make it your own and enjoy, you dont have to do everything they do. Just MD's 2 cents. Good luck!

Let him borrow your boat when he goes then he'll have something to do when he's there!

 

[GibsonMarshallGuy47]

believe it or not, surprisingly, my wife and I actually decided to do our best to try and pick a place (rather than pick a nice hotel, we're opting to rent a large house that can accommodate everyone) that we like that is not too far into Vermont (it could be the difference between 6-7 hour drive and an 8-9 hour drive), AND one that is not crazy expensive. we are trying to do our best to play nice... LoL... now whether or not this is all going to work out and we're actually going to end up going to Vermont, remains to be seen.

 

[MarshallDog]

Let him borrow your boat when he goes then he'll have something to do when he's there!

Yeah I would BUT its in storage AND he'd need a F-350 in order to pull it!!!

 

[paul-e-mann]

Yeah I would BUT its in storage AND he'd need a F-350 in order to pull it!!!

Alright..........hand over the boat keys and I'll loan him my F350, we want this vacation to be special dont we?

 

[Crikey]

so... I'm 48, I have a wife and two kids, and I'm pretty close with my parents, my brothers, their respective significant others, and their kids. for the most part, my wife & kids get along pretty well with everyone too. my parents are in semi-retirement, and have moved to a beach town to live out their golden years. next year, they want to plan a huge multi-family trip including ALL of us... everyone... they're doing this to celebrate my dad's 70th birthday, AND their 50th wedding anniversary... the last time they planned a big family trip like this was about 5 years ago, when my dad retired from his insurance business that he had been running for about 35 years or so. me and my family did not go on this trip because to be honest, we could not afford it (it was WAY expensive), and it was not going to work out with me and my wife's job, and our kids' schooling... we were the only family among my brothers that did not go... they were disappointed, but they went anyway and had a great time.

fast forward to now, with the trip that they're currently planning... first, just to give some perspective, we are all east cost folk... parents live in south New Jersey, me and my one brother live in the Philadelphia area, my other brother lives in Cherry Hill,NJ, and my other brother lives in NYC & Asbury Park,NJ... the trip destination that was decided on (without our input) is Vermont... where in Vermont? I have no idea... we've never been there. 2 of my brothers have, and as far as I know, I think they enjoyed it... apparently we're going next summer... what do we plan on doing there? I have no idea... it will be a week-long trip... from the research I've done, it seems like Vermont has really nice scenery, people seem to like to go hiking, go skiing there, and go to breweries, distilleries, and wineries, fancy food places, etc.... me and my wife do not drink at all... needless to say, me, my wife, and my kids are not thrilled about going at all... its going to be a 10 hour drive there and back (at the very least), and to our estimation, this trip is going to cost us somewhere in the ballpark of $4,000 at the bare minimum... it just seems like a lot to go somewhere to just hang around and enjoy the scenery for an entire week, while everyone else drinks heavily the entire time... unfortunately, we are the ONLY ones that have expressed this, and our opinions have fallen on deaf ears. even though we've suggested that we consider possibly picking another destination instead of Vermont... nevertheless, its more or less been decided already, and it will probably come down to OUR decision to either go or not go... of course us NOT going is going to cause some major disappointment with my parents and my brothers as well, especially since this will be the second time we have opted to not go on a huge multi-family trip like this... my wife and I are stressed to the max, trying to figure out what to do about this.

I'm thinking - if this was a weekend trip, maybe a 3 or 4 hour drive, only costing us maybe one or two grand, then maybe we'd suck it up and go, without complaining. but it just seems like this is going to be an exhaustive, boring, bank account draining experience that will be stretched out across an entire week.

I think I need some unaffiliated third party input on this. I'm really struggling with this decision. HELP!!

Dude, eat the cake. Enjoy the time with your parents and family. Regret is s a terrible feeling .

 

[Sustainium]

I was a black sheep, never went to any of that shit lol.
Have fun in Vermont!

 

[G the wildman]

If I really can’t afford it,, then that’s it.
No further discussion is necessary

Absolutely