I gotta vent (heavy content)

[dptone5]

Oh my. I am so sorry MB. I hope and pray that your ex will realize what is best for your son and that they will both join you here in the US. That sounds like a nightmare and I hope you get the support you need brother.

 

[Torren61]

Sorry you're going through such stupid crap. Sounds like a no win situation until enough time passes for you to have an opportunity to get custody of your son. Sincerely, I wish you luck.

 

[StrummerJoe]

Holy shit man - makes most of my problems small.

AFAIC, you are in the right on this no matter what any court says.

That US Federal Court is full of shit even if your son has dual citizenship.

This made me angry on your behalf.

 

[purpleplexi]

Leapin lizards! I've lived in this town for 60+ years but they started shooting at each other like that I'd be gone so fast they'd have to send my shadow by post.
Wish I could offer a quick and easy solution but the only ones I can think of could get you in an awful lot of trouble.

 

[MarshallDog]

Wow what a terrible situation and IMO only, it sounds like your old Fiance has a mental problem!? She wants to live like that and has an easy option to better herself and especially her sons life but refuses, complete ignorance espcially when 100's of Mexicans want to get out and come to good Ol' America so bad that they risk their lives illegally crossing the boarder. I guess the only thing to do is to wait and pray until your son is 12 and then try to get him to come to America. Hang in there Bro, prayers sent your way.

 

[Filipe Soares]

Just to clear the air with some weird sense of humor: I have Brazilian and an European citizenship, I'll trade both for a US Greencard, 1 AR15, 5 mags and some ammo.

 

[Central Scrutinizer]

Dang, tough situation. Late to the post on this, but wishing you the best.

Too bad children become pawns in these situations. Half the people I know in this type of situation seem to not give an actual shit about the kid, as long as they have ” possession “!

Sickening what is becoming of our world!

Pray People!

 

[Deftone]

Wow, that's a tough hand to be dealt. My best to you and your son, MB.

 

[Marcomel79]

So sorry to hear this man. I cant imagine being separated from my kids. Keep fighting for your son

 

[Jimi-C]

I

i just had to vent, just had to get it OUT

I feel You Brother, I know exactly how you feel , as a kid I grew up in an environment just as you describe, it seemed like someone I knew got killed every other day , and nothing ever happened to the perpotrator , I was constantly fighting trying my best to never loose , when I was old enough I joined the US Army and got the hell out of there and never looked back . I have seen friends that where given an opportunity to leave , when they did relocate to a safer environment , they could not stand the change in environment and moved right back to that hell hole , for them the dangerous environment had become their comfort zone , it was home to them and were willing to accept the dangers . to them , " that just the way it is " was acceptable . I don't get the logic , it's kinda like a battered spouse that won't leave accepting " thats just the way it is " and there is nothing they could do , to hell with that kind of thinking . If good fortune favors you , then perhaps by the time your son is old enough he will want to spend more time with you and you can get custody . He will still face challenges here , but not like that. I go to Mexico a lot to visit the beaches , but Outside the resorts , I see the same BS I grew up in.

 

[MarshallDog]

Just to clear the air with some weird sense of humor: I have Brazilian and an European citizenship, I'll trade both for a US Greencard, 1 AR15, 5 mags and some ammo.

And he has and old Fiance that would rather stay and live like that with her their son when she has a free pass to the USA

 

[Filipe Soares]

And he has and old Fiance that would rather stay and live like that with her their son when she has a free pass to the USA

yeah, I have lived almost 4 years in Mexico City, but I was inside the bubble at Polanco... No violence, no robbery, no drug dealing, no shooting. I cannot live inside a war, at least I will never choose to live inside a warzone.

 

[GIBSON67]

Keep your chin up, prayers sent and best of luck.

 

[FracStrat]

Wow Tony …… Unreal …… Be strong brother

 

[keennay]

This is a rather heavy situation I'm just venting off my chest, kinda long and aggravating so be warned prior to reading. I just have to get it "out" and this is really the only place I call home on the internet.


I had a child with my then fiance who is a citizen of Mexico, he was born in the USA but we planned to stay in Mexico until he reached school age due to the lower cost of living. At this point in time the city was rather quiet and peaceful, nothing alarming and no sense of danger. It was decided by my fiance I would be the stay at home parent simply because her job in Mexico was rather lucrative and she refused to leave it. So now by 2019 the city became under siege by 3 different cartels fighting for the city and things escalated quickly once the controlling faction was dissolved. This is why the relationship with my ex fiance quickly became strained and ultimately lead to separation. I insisted we relocate with our son to the US due to the ever increasing cartel violence which she became insulted by... I approached this gently and respectfully knowing this was her birth city and a place she is extremely proud of. Long story short the violence continued to escalate to the point of militarized cartel members were having fire fights in broad daylight in the streets, killing and wounded innocent bystanders in the process. These weren't just street thugs, these guys are equipped with body army, radios, tactical equipment and large caliber FULLY automatic firearms, they are raging war in the streets. I grew up in a quiet little town in Washington and this was just unlike anything I could ever imagine. Living in Mexico for 4 years I've had to dive on the ground from gunshots outside the house with my newborn son, Ive had to run from gunshots at a public fair, our house was broken into and robbed, property was robbed, my father in law was randomly attacked with a knife resulting in severe stab wounds and cuts. A street gentleman lived on the empty lot beside our house, he made a camp there and was a rather good person and neighbor. He was found murdered just feet from our front door and the police didn't even investigate anything. This was not the same city anymore and evil ruled the streets... We had a 9 ft concrete wall built around the house to protect from gunfire and thieves. The top of the wall was lined with razor wire per the request of my ex, the house got steel bars on all the windows and steel gates on the doors. This is all INSANE to me and completely 100% unacceptable to keep our son who is a US citizen and has access to a much safer location in the US. My ex refused to relocate with me to the US (she has a visa and the ability to stay with me in the US) and insisted our son grow up in her home town no matter what. I begged and pleaded, I begged her to be a stay at home mother and I will pay for EVERYTHING and support us, I would do anything just to please get our child away from this insanity. She refused and insisted I was being racist, prejudice and judgmental because I am a US citizen and that she will never abandon her city nor her country. So now about a year ago I had learnt a major shooting happened just blocks away from the home at a grocery store she would takes our son to every week... I drew the line because my son could have easily been right there when that shooting happened... This insanity was happening right outside our door in our neighborhood and I had to protect my child. I brought my to the USA and told his mother to please come and join us, I am obligated as a father to protect my child and I couldn't sit there and do nothing. She refused to come to the US and insisted our son grow up with her in her city. While my son was in my custody in the US the grocery store we shopped at was a scene of another major battle resulting in numerous bystanders being killed and wounded. Another major shooting happened at the other grocery store we attended every weekend, again resulting in innocent bystanders dead and wounded... She insists that "long as you mind your business you'll be safe" and insisted our child grow up in this city. .. Anyways... The US Federal court decided Mexico has jurisdiction of the child which means I have lost any and all ability to dispute custody until he is of 12 years old due to Mexico law and in Mexico the mother is automatically the sole custodial parent... Now she is using him as a pawn and refusing to let me see my son even by video or phone call and sadly there is nothing I can "legally" do. I have spoken to a lawyer in Mexico that suggests my only real option is to bribe a judge but that too carries risk or I end up getting extorted... sigh... I have been doing everything in my power to just distract myself but I miss my son terribly... I raised him since he was born, she never developed motherly instincts and never bonded with him. If I'm not there caring for our son her mother (the grandmother) is raising him and it's just total BS...

This is a crazy situation and now I live every day in complete stress and fear for my son. The cartels have been kidnapping and killing individuals nearly every week, broad daylight, the police are in on it and never arrive until LONG AFTER the kidnappers are gone with their victim, everyone knows the police of the city are corrupt... There is no safety or security there, the mayor of the city lives in the US. They deployed the Mexican army to help patrol the streets in armored humvees with .50cal machine gun turrets ontop... It's jarring to see heavily armed soldiers driving up and down the streets and military checkpoints thruout the city... Yet the violence and crime keeps escalating... The soldiers are all corrupt too and everyone knows it. There has yet to be anyone prosecuted for any of the shootings, murders or kidnappings. Officers are executed in broad daylight with the lastest one happening a week ago... No one witnesses anything (of course) and no officer is risking their life or their family life to arrest a cartel member... These cartels face no consequences and there is no protection from them.

Anyways, i just had to vent, just had to get it OUT. If anything is too graphic or just too much or inappropriate for the forum feel free to remove it or lock it... I just needed to get it out of my head once and for all...

Any wisdom you could share with us, in particular red flags spotted early in the relationship? How's the relationship between her & her parents, most importantly her dad? How's your relationship with them? Hoping for the best brotha

 

[Cal Nevari]

This is a rather heavy situation I'm just venting off my chest, kinda long and aggravating so be warned prior to reading. I just have to get it "out" and this is really the only place I call home on the internet.


I had a child with my then fiance who is a citizen of Mexico, he was born in the USA but we planned to stay in Mexico until he reached school age due to the lower cost of living. At this point in time the city was rather quiet and peaceful, nothing alarming and no sense of danger. It was decided by my fiance I would be the stay at home parent simply because her job in Mexico was rather lucrative and she refused to leave it. So now by 2019 the city became under siege by 3 different cartels fighting for the city and things escalated quickly once the controlling faction was dissolved. This is why the relationship with my ex fiance quickly became strained and ultimately lead to separation. I insisted we relocate with our son to the US due to the ever increasing cartel violence which she became insulted by... I approached this gently and respectfully knowing this was her birth city and a place she is extremely proud of. Long story short the violence continued to escalate to the point of militarized cartel members were having fire fights in broad daylight in the streets, killing and wounded innocent bystanders in the process. These weren't just street thugs, these guys are equipped with body army, radios, tactical equipment and large caliber FULLY automatic firearms, they are raging war in the streets. I grew up in a quiet little town in Washington and this was just unlike anything I could ever imagine. Living in Mexico for 4 years I've had to dive on the ground from gunshots outside the house with my newborn son, Ive had to run from gunshots at a public fair, our house was broken into and robbed, property was robbed, my father in law was randomly attacked with a knife resulting in severe stab wounds and cuts. A street gentleman lived on the empty lot beside our house, he made a camp there and was a rather good person and neighbor. He was found murdered just feet from our front door and the police didn't even investigate anything. This was not the same city anymore and evil ruled the streets... We had a 9 ft concrete wall built around the house to protect from gunfire and thieves. The top of the wall was lined with razor wire per the request of my ex, the house got steel bars on all the windows and steel gates on the doors. This is all INSANE to me and completely 100% unacceptable to keep our son who is a US citizen and has access to a much safer location in the US. My ex refused to relocate with me to the US (she has a visa and the ability to stay with me in the US) and insisted our son grow up in her home town no matter what. I begged and pleaded, I begged her to be a stay at home mother and I will pay for EVERYTHING and support us, I would do anything just to please get our child away from this insanity. She refused and insisted I was being racist, prejudice and judgmental because I am a US citizen and that she will never abandon her city nor her country. So now about a year ago I had learnt a major shooting happened just blocks away from the home at a grocery store she would takes our son to every week... I drew the line because my son could have easily been right there when that shooting happened... This insanity was happening right outside our door in our neighborhood and I had to protect my child. I brought my to the USA and told his mother to please come and join us, I am obligated as a father to protect my child and I couldn't sit there and do nothing. She refused to come to the US and insisted our son grow up with her in her city. While my son was in my custody in the US the grocery store we shopped at was a scene of another major battle resulting in numerous bystanders being killed and wounded. Another major shooting happened at the other grocery store we attended every weekend, again resulting in innocent bystanders dead and wounded... She insists that "long as you mind your business you'll be safe" and insisted our child grow up in this city. .. Anyways... The US Federal court decided Mexico has jurisdiction of the child which means I have lost any and all ability to dispute custody until he is of 12 years old due to Mexico law and in Mexico the mother is automatically the sole custodial parent... Now she is using him as a pawn and refusing to let me see my son even by video or phone call and sadly there is nothing I can "legally" do. I have spoken to a lawyer in Mexico that suggests my only real option is to bribe a judge but that too carries risk or I end up getting extorted... sigh... I have been doing everything in my power to just distract myself but I miss my son terribly... I raised him since he was born, she never developed motherly instincts and never bonded with him. If I'm not there caring for our son her mother (the grandmother) is raising him and it's just total BS...

This is a crazy situation and now I live every day in complete stress and fear for my son. The cartels have been kidnapping and killing individuals nearly every week, broad daylight, the police are in on it and never arrive until LONG AFTER the kidnappers are gone with their victim, everyone knows the police of the city are corrupt... There is no safety or security there, the mayor of the city lives in the US. They deployed the Mexican army to help patrol the streets in armored humvees with .50cal machine gun turrets ontop... It's jarring to see heavily armed soldiers driving up and down the streets and military checkpoints thruout the city... Yet the violence and crime keeps escalating... The soldiers are all corrupt too and everyone knows it. There has yet to be anyone prosecuted for any of the shootings, murders or kidnappings. Officers are executed in broad daylight with the lastest one happening a week ago... No one witnesses anything (of course) and no officer is risking their life or their family life to arrest a cartel member... These cartels face no consequences and there is no protection from them.

Anyways, i just had to vent, just had to get it OUT. If anything is too graphic or just too much or inappropriate for the forum feel free to remove it or lock it... I just needed to get it out of my head once and for all...

Hey MB,

That is some heavy stuff, definitely. Sounds like you're dealing with it as best you can. Terrible situation, but you'll likely manage it better the more peace and calm you can find. You might want to read an amazing book by an amazing man: Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl.

Man's Search for Meaning - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Although his situation was quite different from yours, his experiences will likely resonate with you and his approach to what was happening in his life might help you.

Seems like everyone on this thread is sending good karma your way (including me), each within the context of his or her own belief system, and that has to be doing some good.

Hang in there and do seek help (counseling) if you need it. No shame in that.

All best,

Cal

 

[Maggot Brain]

Thanks for all the support and love guys! I'm doing well and handling the situation pretty well. I have to keep myself consistently busy, it keeps me from dwelling or focusing on the more painful stuff and allows me to focus on just the end goal.

My son is doing well, growing too fast but is loved immensely by everyone around him... Unfortunately I feel a lot or the people around him right now are blinded by pride. I don't get to see him often enough, his mother only answers my video calls to him once or twice a week... Pretty frustrating as when he was with me we called her nearly every single day.

I've been super focused on playing lately, very therapeutic so any chance I get to pick up and play I do.

When I get a little more free time later I want to directly reply to you guy's post here. I appreciate all the love and support and will always consider this place home (online)

 

[G the wildman]

Chin up man.

Hope it all works out somehow.

 

[Maggot Brain]

Thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for the support, your opinions, your stories and encouragement.

An update,
I call my son every single day but my ex doesn't always answers the calls. I do get to video call him multiple times a week and we usually spend 2 to 3 hours each video call. My son is going on 4 1/2 yo and getting much better at expressing himself, he tells me nearly every call we have that he wants to return to my house... I won't lie to him and I explain to him he has to convince his mother how he feels, that I want him to come to my house but mommy says no. He is already showing signs of resentment towards her, he's acting out like never before and it's blatantly obvious he isn't completly happy... It's unfortunate it's panning out this way but it is what it is and as of right now all I can do is support him as best I can from afar and encourage him to express himself, to express what he truly wants to his mother. My son is extremely strong willed and I have faith as time goes on he will be more and more vocal regarding what he wants. I hope and pray that his mother and her mother (the grandmother) realize they are harming him by keeping him from his father, that he WANTS to return to the US.


I sent him every toy he asked Santa for , he had a VERY good Christmas and got to open the gifts with me and spend hours together on video call on Christmas, I'm extremely grateful.

I'm keeping my opinion and feelings to myself to simply build better communication with his mother. She's been a little more civil and went as far as admiting she missed raising our son together... I'll play civil for the sake of my son and see how far I can get with her, how far we can re build communication, trust and all that... I'll do whatever it takes to be with my son, even if I have to play interested in her or whatever it comes to... I have one life mission and it's to be with my son. I have faith him and I will be together again, actually I know we will. I raised him from birth until this drama happened, his mother still isn't hands on and her mother (the grandmother) is pretty much caring/raising him 24/7. Him and I have a bond like I've never felt before in life, his me and I am him, his literally another me 100% and he senses that in me as well... It's a hard situation but panic, anger, frustration or any negative emotion will not benefit anyone and be toxic to my health. I take one day at a time and so grateful that my son is healthy, alive and generally safe. I'm prey every day he stays safe and feel each day he is safe and healthy is a true blessing. It's easy to take things for granted, it's easy to dwell and get lost in the negative, it's easy to allow negativity to consume you... We have so much to be grateful for and there is always someone worse off than us, don't take it for granted. I may have lost custody and he lives in another country but he is alive and safe. They're mother and fathers out there who have children that have passed away and would prefer to be in my situation... So it's just important to keep perspective of our fortunes, we can manifest energy and in a way steer the direction of our life. Maybe not entirely control every direction we head but we can influence very much where we go in life and must keep focus on this.


Thank you all for the support from all of my heart, I love you all ✌❤

 

[Marcomel79]

Keep strong brother