Bands: why I may be done with them

[Buzzard]

I dont think hot women go to hear bands anymore and if they are hot they were hot 30 years ago. Lol

 

[Buzzard]

The 80’s chicks were the best!

 

[Maggot Brain]

I have experienced two different types of "bands"

Ones with guys you know and or friends with, these have been the most successful for me. Usually the friendship really helps bond the experience and keeps more drama away, it still happens but these type of bands are of course always smoother and more comfortable in my experience.

Then joing a band with people you don't know or bringing people in you don't really know... this is usually hit or miss and usually miss in my experience, for reasons mentioned plenty of times already.

I haven't been in a band for some years, I miss it a lot and really look forward to the day it happens again. I have been recording by myself off and on the whole time and to be honest, it gets a little boring. I like the dynamic of working with another "musician" keyword musician. Some beautiful things can happen when playing with other souls that are musically in tune with you.

 

[Jethro Rocker]

It’s a really tough decision to let this go but honestly I am a lot happier now, it’s been 2 weeks and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I have been able to focus on other things and my general living situation has gotten a lot nicer, the house is cleaner, I have found time to do other things and it’s pretty great. The downside is I have about 10k in gear sitting in storage now. I am considering selling my PA, and maybe a few of my guitar amps.

Find another good group of people to play with! When you get a good group it is totally worth it!

 

[dro]

And here I thought everyone puts up with this drama for all the hot women you supposedly round up after the show.

Had my share But those hot women are all old now

 

[LPMarshall hack]

The 80’s chicks were the best!

No way! 70s bush!!!

 

[anitoli]

No way! 70s bush!!!

I totally destroyed my coon cat in 4 hairball competitions in 79...............

 

[axe4me]

My first cover band would play Soul Sacrifice (Santana) and Brenda would run down from her upstairs apartment to our rehearsal basement room and take off her cloths.

I was 17 and she was my first groupie.

 

[Sapient]

My first cover band would play Soul Sacrifice (Santana) and Brenda would run down from her upstairs apartment to our rehearsal basement room and take off her cloths.

I was 17 and she was my first groupie.

Did you ...


If anyone thinks they are going to get in a band now and draw hot chicks, I'll say that's long over. A few years ago I got back into a band since the '90s - lost weight, brushed my teeth, bought some tighter threads. Crickets. Worse: From what I could see crickets were for the best.

Hell, and I look like Brad Pitt too. Lol.

 

[10kDA]

I was in a duo for a while & on some songs I used a Looperman to lay down rhythm tracks and play other parts on top. After each one of those songs the singer would usually say something like "Thank you, thank you... how about some love for our special guest on rhythm guitar, Junior Martell..." Sometime during the gig she would explain "Junior Martell is a great player, always plays exactly what we want him to play, but he's a fucking leaker every time we have to haul the gear."

 

[Cal Nevari]

So I’ve been in some kind of project off and on since about 2011 or so.

I learned pretty quickly that “being in a band” is one of the worst things I have ever had to deal with in my entire life and I will tell you why.

Egos: I’ve noticed that most people take themselves extremely seriously, it’s never about fun or the music it’s ALWAYS about them and criticizing someone or offering advice is basically a recipe for hurt feelings/egos even if it’s the truth or carefully constructive. I had to deal with a person that would actually get angry because I would do stuff like pay for an entire studio session myself basically ($1500+) and told him time and time again not to worry about it that I enjoyed it and was doing it for fun. However that guy was (recently) homeless and jobless and an alcoholic so he saw it as me trying to rub it in his face that I.... had a job and ...Was able to take care of it? I don’t know.

Band members prioritizing drinking over anything else, refusal to do things that benefit the song as a whole just due to extreme stubbornness, everyone thinks they’re a sound engineer.

Extreme narcissism is pretty much normal and seen as regular behavior among almost all musicians I have met.

Rock star dream: look, it’s nice that you have a rock star dream, it’s nice that you really think people care about your music, but honestly if you’re not doing it for the right reasons you’re going to fail and be miserable time and time again unless you have connections or get lucky. I just left a band that would make announcements and videos on Facebook and social media for every little thing we did, and out of the 200+ followers we had maybe get 5-20 likes. Extremely annoying, and How dare I if I say “maybe we should only post things that are important”.

Dealing with most guitar players is a nightmare. It’s ALWAYS some kind of weird competition right away, even though I have gone to great lengths to remind them that I am here as a part of the team, not some threat to their playing abilities. I’m also not a personal responsibility coach and I’m also tired of apologizing to people for any reason. “I’m sorry dude I didn’t mean to hurt your little feelings” because I told you I thought that riff you showed me was extremely generic or you need to tune your guitar or invest in more than a 100$ guitar or you need to string your instrument properly or whatever.....

Dealing with most vocalists is a nightmare. No you don’t need auto tune dude, you sound fine, try your best, have fun, stop worrying about it, if you were not good I wouldn’t have been here in the first place. This is dealing with very talented guys too or guys that have a lot of potential.


I always viewed it as something I wanted to do for fun, I love writing music and being creative and I don’t mind learning parts, playing to a click, practicing nearly once a week, playing shows now and then is a big pay off because it is so much fun— you know it’s a hobby and I’m not expecting to turn this into some kind of a job that is going to replace the job putting a roof over my head and I lay that out in the beginning and people wonder why I leave when I am asked to ‘push harder’ when literally nothing was done for years until I showed up and set goals and organized everything from the distribution to begging people to get on with ASCAP or BMI to setting up every social media account and managing the email and google drive and everything else under the sun. I’m always the first person and usually the last to treat things like a business in the last two projects I’ve been in.

I almost joined a more established band that had their stuff together but I honestly don’t see myself doing this anymore as I am 31 and was to start buying rental properties and focusing on other things. Thoughts?

Very interesting post!

Definitely agree with all of your observations above. As a guitar player, I try not to let my ego or (healthy) narcissism get in the way by always making it clear that I'm a rhythm not a lead guy, that I'm not looking to be famous, and that I do this for fun and my family and job come first. But there are still always problems.

And you're right, most musicians take themselves way too seriously. There's an old saying, take your job seriously but not yourself. The same applies to playing music. It should be fun! My guess is that there are like-minded bands out there that would be a perfect fit for you, so my suggestion would be don't give up on finding them. Like any relationship, you have to kiss a few frogs before you find a prince or princess.

I've been in a number of bands that didn't work out for all the reasons you state; unfortunately, that happens. But the band I'm in now is awesome and we have none of the problems you mentioned. There's a website called BandMix and that's how I found my current band. If they have that where you live, check it out. If not, there's probably something similar.

A good way to meet new musicians and bands is to go out for a pint before you even listen to their music or jam with them. If they emphasize the drinking over music talk, then you know it's not a good fit. Same thing if they're looking to make it big or if the band comes before everything else. However, if they're cool and seem to have the same approach as you, it might be a good fit. Unfortunately, finding the right band can be a little like 50 First Dates. But...when you do find the right band, it's an unalloyed joy to play and gig with them!

One other thought: you're 31 and many people your age who play music have the issues you describe. I'm 56 and it took me a long time to find the right people, who are close to my age. You might consider playing with some older guys, as we tend to be a bit less alcoholic-egotistical-unrealistic-insane.

Best of luck and most important, don't give up hope,

Cal

 

[Harlequin tusk]

No more bands for me, my last band broke up after the lead guitarist who is my best friend for 20 years died of Pancreatic Cancer 6 weeks before his full retirement after 30 years of workin on the back of a truck (sanitation)! WTF. Krusher died 5-1-2022. I'm heart broken.

R.I.P Krusher!!

Band before that, rhythm guitarist was a great song writer and player, he was my youngest brother's best friend since 1st grade, he was a lawyer, super smart dude, died of a heart attack at age 49.

R.I.P Erich!!!!

Now I got a basement filled with all sorts of gear and zero desire to even try to play. Bought my brother ( a drummer) a $2,500 DW Drum kit, set it all up and we have jammed 2x together, shits got dust all over it. We looked at each other and both agreed, it's over......

I miss those bands and my friend. I'm 60 years old and tired of everything.............

 

[Jethro Rocker]

Very interesting post!

Definitely agree with all of your observations above. As a guitar player, I try not to let my ego or (healthy) narcissism get in the way by always making it clear that I'm a rhythm not a lead guy, that I'm not looking to be famous, and that I do this for fun and my family and job come first. But there are still always problems.

And you're right, most musicians take themselves way too seriously. There's an old saying, take your job seriously but not yourself. The same applies to playing music. It should be fun! My guess is that there are like-minded bands out there that would be a perfect fit for you, so my suggestion would be don't give up on finding them. Like any relationship, you have to kiss a few frogs before you find a prince or princess.

I've been in a number of bands that didn't work out for all the reasons you state; unfortunately, that happens. But the band I'm in now is awesome and we have none of the problems you mentioned. There's a website called BandMix and that's how I found my current band. If they have that where you live, check it out. If not, there's probably something similar.

A good way to meet new musicians and bands is to go out for a pint before you even listen to their music or jam with them. If they emphasize the drinking over music talk, then you know it's not a good fit. Same thing if they're looking to make it big or if the band comes before everything else. However, if they're cool and seem to have the same approach as you, it might be a good fit. Unfortunately, finding the right band can be a little like 50 First Dates. But...when you do find the right band, it's an unalloyed joy to play and gig with them!

One other thought: you're 31 and many people your age who play music have the issues you describe. I'm 56 and it took me a long time to find the right people, who are close to my age. You might consider playing with some older guys, as we tend to be a bit less alcoholic-egotistical-unrealistic-insane.

Best of luck and most important, don't give up hope,

Cal

Kind of a resurrection here.
Totally agree with above!!
My originals band disbanded last Nov because the singer (34) took it so seriously as to be drama all the time. We had 4 singles and did videos but we won't change the world. Enjoy it!
I am 59 this year and doing this strictly for fun.
I had had too much. BP dropped and stress did too significantly after. I just play now with the band I have been in for 16 years.
Incidentally, once singer in other band got a bf, she suddenly stopped doing any music at all!
My how the priorities change when one gets a life, so to speak.

 

[ido1957]

Bands are a pain, as a member or as a leader. Drugs, alcohol, egos, lack of effort, it all contributes. No one fears losing their band job, like they would a 9-5 job. There's a lot of chiefs and not enough indians and management is sporadic at best, because replacements are a pain to procure, and it's "just a hobby so don't take it so seriously". Caveat - I am in a band currently which is OK at best but the ability to play every week gives me enough personal satisfaction to let many things slide, and I'm ok with that at the moment.

 

[Vinsanitizer]

That's why they call's me:

 

[Crikey]

So I’ve been in some kind of project off and on since about 2011 or so.

I learned pretty quickly that “being in a band” is one of the worst things I have ever had to deal with in my entire life and I will tell you why.

Egos: I’ve noticed that most people take themselves extremely seriously, it’s never about fun or the music it’s ALWAYS about them and criticizing someone or offering advice is basically a recipe for hurt feelings/egos even if it’s the truth or carefully constructive. I had to deal with a person that would actually get angry because I would do stuff like pay for an entire studio session myself basically ($1500+) and told him time and time again not to worry about it that I enjoyed it and was doing it for fun. However that guy was (recently) homeless and jobless and an alcoholic so he saw it as me trying to rub it in his face that I.... had a job and ...Was able to take care of it? I don’t know.

Band members prioritizing drinking over anything else, refusal to do things that benefit the song as a whole just due to extreme stubbornness, everyone thinks they’re a sound engineer.

Extreme narcissism is pretty much normal and seen as regular behavior among almost all musicians I have met.

Rock star dream: look, it’s nice that you have a rock star dream, it’s nice that you really think people care about your music, but honestly if you’re not doing it for the right reasons you’re going to fail and be miserable time and time again unless you have connections or get lucky. I just left a band that would make announcements and videos on Facebook and social media for every little thing we did, and out of the 200+ followers we had maybe get 5-20 likes. Extremely annoying, and How dare I if I say “maybe we should only post things that are important”.

Dealing with most guitar players is a nightmare. It’s ALWAYS some kind of weird competition right away, even though I have gone to great lengths to remind them that I am here as a part of the team, not some threat to their playing abilities. I’m also not a personal responsibility coach and I’m also tired of apologizing to people for any reason. “I’m sorry dude I didn’t mean to hurt your little feelings” because I told you I thought that riff you showed me was extremely generic or you need to tune your guitar or invest in more than a 100$ guitar or you need to string your instrument properly or whatever.....

Dealing with most vocalists is a nightmare. No you don’t need auto tune dude, you sound fine, try your best, have fun, stop worrying about it, if you were not good I wouldn’t have been here in the first place. This is dealing with very talented guys too or guys that have a lot of potential.


I always viewed it as something I wanted to do for fun, I love writing music and being creative and I don’t mind learning parts, playing to a click, practicing nearly once a week, playing shows now and then is a big pay off because it is so much fun— you know it’s a hobby and I’m not expecting to turn this into some kind of a job that is going to replace the job putting a roof over my head and I lay that out in the beginning and people wonder why I leave when I am asked to ‘push harder’ when literally nothing was done for years until I showed up and set goals and organized everything from the distribution to begging people to get on with ASCAP or BMI to setting up every social media account and managing the email and google drive and everything else under the sun. I’m always the first person and usually the last to treat things like a business in the last two projects I’ve been in.

I almost joined a more established band that had their stuff together but I honestly don’t see myself doing this anymore as I am 31 and was to start buying rental properties and focusing on other things. Thoughts?

Lotta flakes out there.
Good luck tryna find a bands/ players On Crud list. Lawd.
Seems No one has a demo of their playing., or very few.
Today Phones record well enough to show you can play and sing.

 

[mark123]

I got a text last Wednesday

Mark, mite try to get a southern/classic rock band together with 3 guitar players like the old bands. Would you be interested? [REDACTED] our old singer to sing, she is a beast, [REDACTED] on drums. Killer drummer. Just looking for the bass player.

Blackfoot, Allmans, Skynard, 38 special, basically whatever we wanted.

I like this guy. He’s good people. I don’t know the others. I’m thinking of giving it a go but I’m also thinking it’d be easier to just hang myself.

 

[mark123]

I got a text last Wednesday



I like this guy. He’s good people. I don’t know the others. I’m thinking of giving it a go but I’m also thinking it’d be easier to just hang myself.

Oh, no. Looks like they want to actually start this band.

 

[MarshallDog]

Oh, no. Looks like they want to actually start this band.

Give it a try you can always leave!

 

[Vinsanitizer]

Sometimes I think it'd just be better for a lot of so-called "bands", if that's really what most of them are anyway, if they had a manager that would just slap the shet off of anyone's face who needs to be continually taught to grow the hell up and stop being self-centered. It's like all these bands need a father figure with a level of authority above them to keep them in line.