Bands: why I may be done with them

[axe4me]

I have a love hate thing with being in a band.

I thought I had a great prerequisite in forming my last cover band.

Me and my bassist agreed that we would only be 100% in choosing band mates and songs.................meaning that we would have to agree totally with every decision.

So, my first experience with this guy is auditioning a drummer.

Mark (the drummer) was really good when we auditioned him.

Craig (the bassist) tells Mark he's in if he wants.

I'm thinking this is NOT the thought process of 100% agreement.

The first sign of "what did we agree to" is happening.

Mark , the drummer, is in and the bassist and I never discussed it.

Now Mark is 21.

He's a young college student and a good drummer.

I'm 64 and Craig is 50 something.

Well, we're a now a trio.

Time to get a lead singer.

Craig knows this HS music director that's supposedly a great singer.

I have no idea how great she is.

Next thing I know, Emma is in the band on the basis of the first audition.

Again, Craig does his executive decision and doesn't discuss anything with me.

We do sound good but it's getting to be shaky ground.

Mark has an uncle, Pat (rhythm guitarist and lead singer) that may be available.

When I met Pat I loved him.

Pat is a little older than me but he's my choice.

No discussion again.

Pat is in...........I'm seeing that Pat is not a fan of Craig........in fact, I have to discuss their relationship with Pat.......Pat does not like Craig at all.

Here's where the fun starts.

We need a PA.

My wife, like me, doesn't want to deal with band finances and she and I go out and buy the PA.

We do a trial gig at a hall that we pay for and invite our friends and family.

We pay the hall insurance and supply the food.

Before all this happens, I find out that Craig lends a critical pieceof the PA to Emma for some side project.

We're at the hall and we can't set up the PA...................Emma is late and she has the missing piece.

She finally arrives.

She looks great and doesn't see any problem.

Craig is barking at me.

My wife notices this and lets me know.

Pat is pissed and I'm trying to hold things together.

I'm really uncomfortable.

We do the trial gig with a few fubars but nothing major.

I'm told that Emma needs work and Pat is a great entertainer.

OK, I can't speak to Emma.................she doesn't want to hear it.

The soap opera is on hold.

Fast forward to a band rehearsal, we're doing a Doobie Brothers song..............Craig doesn't play a bass line in the song beginning.

Pat asks Craig about it and Craig (the bassist) tells us belligerently that he's NOT going to play it.

I thought Pat was going to kill Craig.

There's silence.

Craig stops, packs up his bass and leaves.

I'm thinking that this is bad and I try to speak to Craig and he just runs out.

Christ, here we have "Peyton Place".

Craig leaves in a huff and I'm trying to make nice with the band.

Pat is boiling, Mark is concerned and Emma could care less.

Me, I see a real problem.

We all leave and Emma is more concerned about her date.

I telephone Craig and he doesn't answer.................I leave a voice mail.

A few days pass and Craig finally calls me.

Craig asks me if I want to run the ship.............me...........what do you mean?

Craig wants me to manage the band.

I explode........."how can I manage a band that doesn't get along?"

I call Craig a diva and I don't want to deal with the antics of a diva lead singer.

Craig hangs up and contacts the other members and tellls them he'll be in the band if I'm out.

Pat and Mark don't want this and want me in the fold.

Emma sides with Craig wanting me out and there's a split.

I'm done.

I'm out and Pat wants me to do a recording with him.

This never happens.

I'm done with this circus.

Now, I'm a "hired gun" again.

 

[anitoli]

That was a soap opera.

 

[axe4me]

Christ, I'm too old to change diapers.

Now, I have a PA in my garage and want to get back into the crazy world of a band.

I'm pretty feeble with this cancer thing.

My oncologist tells me that my cancer is metastatic.........................meaning that cancer can form in any part of my body.

I'm getting older.

I'm 67.

I am dealing with health issues and I'd like to be in a band.

I need my head examined

 

[RandallPink]

I actually hung it up back in 2017 because of band problems. Felt like I was in a really bad Spinal Tap sequel with some of them. I went through 4 or 5 bands in 2016-17 after leaving the best band I had been in (amazing group of players that toured with some national acts but by the time I came around hadn't recovered from an incident with their previous lead singer. They just couldn't get it together after that episode. 1 became addicted to video games as he frequently would cancel rehearsal due to being up all night playing them, one back on smack or Rx drugs [hard to say for sure], the lead singer, well that's a long story of a guy who decided he didn't want to play hard rock/metal but wanted the band to be a funk/pop band.). I eventually did the hard thing and cut bait after a year of realizing we were never going to play out and simply got fed up being the only one ever in the rehearsal space we were paying for. Every band after them seem to have a even bigger issues. But like most artist, I couldn't walk away forever and I eventually got the bug again. Now I'm back playing and hoping to be in a band again once things return to "normal" I dare say.

 

[anitoli]

"...buying rental properties..." sounds like fun.
BP

Right now may not be the best time to buy rental properties, look at how many people are dodging eviction at this very moment cause of lockdown induced job loss.

 

[axe4me]

I did a fill in where I had to do 3 sets of 51 songs for a bar gig.

My amp blew halfway through the 2nd set and I had to play through the PA.

I wanted to go home.

I was paid $90.00 and my repair cost $125.00

 

[DaDoc]

After the trainwreck of the last gigging band I was in I figured it would be a good move to buy a P.A. in order to have more of a say so in the next band I would be involved with, something I had never had before..I was always the "new guy" so I just went along with whatever the rest of the band did, and I felt I was ready to step up and take the bandleader role. So I did, along with a drum machine to practice with..Around this time I also went back to school, and wound up in a four year college studying Jazz.

A friend of mine had put a band together and knew a drummer who was interested in starting a band, so we hooked up. He brought in a bassist he knew and things looked promising, for a couple of weeks anyhoo..So the bassist knew a singer and we auditioned him, and at the audition he started dictating policy as far as what "we needed to be playing" which to him was thrash metal! Actually I had wanted us to do our own vocals, but the bassist and the drummer wanted him in, and didn't even seem to want to consider my thoughts or feeling about it, they were all buddies, and so I was odd man out..First red flag.

I had a very clear vision of what I wanted this band to play, which was going to be Classic rock covers from the 60's and 70's, and had made no secret of this from day one..We had done only three practice sessions when the drummer calls me one night and tells me "We need to do some policy changes here". Apparently he and the bassist had been talking without me around and decided they needed to be involved more deeply in the song choices, a LOT more deeply...Second red flag!

He basically tells me that he and the bassist were going to come up with the songs we would be playing, but I was to have "equal input"..The more we talked the more it became obvious that these guys were not going to allow me to be the bandleader, in spite of the fact it was my idea and my project, along with my practice space and P.A., which was a big part of the reason I bought the freakin' P.A. to begin with! Add to that the fact these guys had never played out other than jam sessions or open mike nights..And here the wrangling and power plays had already started before we even had got off the damned ground!

So I thought about it for a couple of days and decided screw this, with my school classes and all I didn't need this hassle. I wanted to try and be a nice guy about it though, so I called the drummer and told him that I felt I going to be uncompatible with what they wanted to do, and I needed to be focusing on classes anyhoo, which was basically the truth..In hindsight I should probably have been more of an asshole and told him exactly how I felt, which was that if I'm providing both a P.A. and a free practice space for a project that was my deal to begin with, that I was going to be running the show or at least the biggest part of it..And I sure as hell was not going to put up with having the show pulled out from under my feet by people who had never really done any playing out or dealt with any real band situations..Again, life's too short.

The "everyone has a equal say" bit is cool, but at the same time every band needs a leader, otherwise it's just going to be nothing but a lot of useless and unproductive bickering and disagreeing IMHO.

 

[Vinsanitizer]

This thread sounds like drama. Is this drama? 'Cause the whole time I'm readin' it, and I'm thinkin' to myself, and I'm like, "This sounds like drama. Is this drama?".

Not that drama's a bad thing. I just wanna be clear about what I'm reading.

 

[anitoli]

Democracy doesn't work in a band, someone has to be Hitler............

 

[paul-e-mann]

I have a love hate thing with being in a band.

I thought I had a great prerequisite in forming my last cover band.

Me and my bassist agreed that we would only be 100% in choosing band mates and songs.................meaning that we would have to agree totally with every decision.

So, my first experience with this guy is auditioning a drummer.

Mark (the drummer) was really good when we auditioned him.

Craig (the bassist) tells Mark he's in if he wants.

I'm thinking this is NOT the thought process of 100% agreement.

The first sign of "what did we agree to" is happening.

Mark , the drummer, is in and the bassist and I never discussed it.

Now Mark is 21.

He's a young college student and a good drummer.

I'm 64 and Craig is 50 something.

Well, we're a now a trio.

Time to get a lead singer.

Craig knows this HS music director that's supposedly a great singer.

I have no idea how great she is.

Next thing I know, Emma is in the band on the basis of the first audition.

Again, Craig does his executive decision and doesn't discuss anything with me.

We do sound good but it's getting to be shaky ground.

Mark has an uncle, Pat (rhythm guitarist and lead singer) that may be available.

When I met Pat I loved him.

Pat is a little older than me but he's my choice.

No discussion again.

Pat is in...........I'm seeing that Pat is not a fan of Craig........in fact, I have to discuss their relationship with Pat.......Pat does not like Craig at all.

Here's where the fun starts.

We need a PA.

My wife, like me, doesn't want to deal with band finances and she and I go out and buy the PA.

We do a trial gig at a hall that we pay for and invite our friends and family.

We pay the hall insurance and supply the food.

Before all this happens, I find out that Craig lends a critical pieceof the PA to Emma for some side project.

We're at the hall and we can't set up the PA...................Emma is late and she has the missing piece.

She finally arrives.

She looks great and doesn't see any problem.

Craig is barking at me.

My wife notices this and lets me know.

Pat is pissed and I'm trying to hold things together.

I'm really uncomfortable.

We do the trial gig with a few fubars but nothing major.

I'm told that Emma needs work and Pat is a great entertainer.

OK, I can't speak to Emma.................she doesn't want to hear it.

The soap opera is on hold.

Fast forward to a band rehearsal, we're doing a Doobie Brothers song..............Craig doesn't play a bass line in the song beginning.

Pat asks Craig about it and Craig (the bassist) tells us belligerently that he's NOT going to play it.

I thought Pat was going to kill Craig.

There's silence.

Craig stops, packs up his bass and leaves.

I'm thinking that this is bad and I try to speak to Craig and he just runs out.

Christ, here we have "Peyton Place".

Craig leaves in a huff and I'm trying to make nice with the band.

Pat is boiling, Mark is concerned and Emma could care less.

Me, I see a real problem.

We all leave and Emma is more concerned about her date.

I telephone Craig and he doesn't answer.................I leave a voice mail.

A few days pass and Craig finally calls me.

Craig asks me if I want to run the ship.............me...........what do you mean?

Craig wants me to manage the band.

I explode........."how can I manage a band that doesn't get along?"

I call Craig a diva and I don't want to deal with the antics of a diva lead singer.

Craig hangs up and contacts the other members and tellls them he'll be in the band if I'm out.

Pat and Mark don't want this and want me in the fold.

Emma sides with Craig wanting me out and there's a split.

I'm done.

I'm out and Pat wants me to do a recording with him.

This never happens.

I'm done with this circus.

Now, I'm a "hired gun" again.

I hope you remembered to take your PA with you...

 

[saxon68]

Last band I put together, I said right up front no drama. If there’s issues we discuss as a whole group, don’t have thin skin, be adults.

everyone I contact is excited, started with a drummer (me rhythm guitar) and he has a buddy who sings. I jam with them, singer isn’t too bad but not able to do what I want the band to do, I explain to him and he’s cool about it, drummer is cool with it and we loom more.
Drummer knows another singer, this guy is damn good and has PA.
We jam, talk afterwards and singer is on board with direction. We discuss (when I bring it up) how if we try a song and out out of his range or doesn’t sound good we drop it, they agree.
Lead singer says he’d like to play lead guitar on a couple songs, I say sure if lead guy is cool.

we bring in a lead guy who’s a buddy of mine, he can sing also and we jammed some songs, one comes out of just tossing stuff out there and the lead guy sings it. Now, I’d asked before if the singer is ok with guitarist singing a couple since he wants to play a couple leads, he says yeah fine.

anyhow we get a bassist, first jam goes well, we went through the first 5 we’d picked, and start some other stuff for shits that we all know or partially know, lead guitar sings another the singer doesn’t know.

after the jam everyone seems pleased, then I get a message from drummer, he and singer want to talk to me alone. Singer isn’t happy guitarist sang.

i said nope that’s it and say done, he’s all upset, I said I told you all no damn drama, I’m done.

screw it why can’t we all be adults,

 

[axe4me]

I hope you remembered to take your PA with you...

It's in the garage.

 

[dro]

The first real band I ever joined was a 9 piece. I was 17 everybody else was between 25 and 30. It was 1978. Really tough getting along with all those personalities. I was a beginner. My moto was turn it to 10. These guys were a gigging band who could play a song start to finish and make it sound like the record. 78 so were talking Eagles (before the breakup) Doobie Brothers Little River Band. Everybody sang but me. And these guys knew how to harmonize. They were playing Highschool dances in the late 60's when I was 8 or 9 years old, taking drum lessons. But now were doing Clubs and Specials every weekend. Everybody had day jobs so it wasn't like we relied on gig money to live. In the beginning we started playing gigs to pay for recording. Within 6 months we were booked a year in advance. Every weekend Friday and Saturday. Each night in a different place. Weddings were a big part of the beginning. We had 3 guitarists, so all I had to do was play fill licks and leads. 2 other guitars covering rhythms. Rehearsed Monday night, Wednesday night, and Sunday afternoon 12 to 6. All the while playing gigs Friday and Saturday. These guys loved playing music more than anything. Which in turn instilled in me an ethic that became my way of life. We would periodically have just vocal rehearsals. With an acoustic and everybody singing harmony. Finding their notes. Learning to breath together. Stayed 9 piece for three years before it started to fall apart. One guitarist/singer moved out of state. I stepped up and covered his vocal, and rhythm part. Bass player went off the deep end. Drowning in a whiskey bottle. One night after a gig, the percussion player was fired. Thanks allot guys, he was my boss at the paint shop. My life became more interesting all of a sudden. One singer rolled his car on his way home from a gig. After his jail time his wife said that's enough. Now we're down to 4 piece. This all happened in the span of two or three weeks. And we had now bookings that extended 3 years away. Deposits that were long gone. So the four of us pulled it together. Started doing the gigs. Those four played together for another 18 years. We would add a side man here and there. Were a pretty big deal in our area for a good long while. The drummer and I are the last two from that original band in 1978. Played our last gig, just he and I. In October 2018, one week before I moved out of state. 40 years together. We haven't been with our wives that long. The two of us had been trying to keep it going for a long time, after dealing with many deaths and various other member changes. Never was the same again. Not like those 4 guys. If I could play with those four again I'd do it in a heartbeat. Have tried to play with different people since moving here. Can't seem to find anything that sparks my interest. So I just play with myself. Over and over. I know how I like it. The thing I miss the most. Is the harmony. Nobody sings anymore. The drummer and I talk on the phone. Usually once a week. Crack a couple beers and reminisce. We both agree. It was a hell of a ride.

 

[Mitchell Pearrow]

I haven’t played or gigged as a band member since 93,
We were a group of friends, but the drummer didn’t seem to like the bassist, so he leaves, my son Jerry steps up on drums, the other guitarist wants to go to MIT, he leaves, we only rehearsed on Saturday’s (I worked out of town)
We rehearsed in my garage, no one could ever be on time, 6:00pm- 10:00 pm.
Not had a band or anyone to knock heads together with song writing since.
Maybe one of these days I will be able to find a couple of people to get together and jam with ??
Cheers
Mitch

 

[Dogs of Doom]

Can't seem to find anything that sparks my interest. So I just play with myself. Over and over. I know how I like it.

...

see, the moral of the story is... if you don't play w/ a band, you end up playing w/ yourself...

 

[dro]

I haven’t played or gigged as a band member since 93,
We were a group of friends, but the drummer didn’t seem to like the bassist, so he leaves, my son Jerry steps up on drums, the other guitarist wants to go to MIT, he leaves, we only rehearsed on Saturday’s (I worked out of town)
We rehearsed in my garage, no one could ever be on time, 6:00pm- 10:00 pm.
Not had a band or anyone to knock heads together with song writing since.
Maybe one of these days I will be able to find a couple of people to get together and jam with ??
Cheers
Mitch

If you ever decide to get out of the fireplace, look me up

 

[Mitchell Pearrow]

If you ever decide to get out of the fireplace, look me up

I don’t think I will be moving anywhere else.
I am here for the final push, took me long enough to get it, and I have no ambition of starting over.
But thanks for the invite !!
Cheers

 

[MarshallDog]

"...buying rental properties..." sounds like fun.
BP

Dam straight more profitable!

 

[MarshallDog]

That was a soap opera.

I skipped right past it!

 

[Jethro Rocker]

And that is why I have found playing with friends works so well. You know expectations amd personalities up front. Even my new originals band that started last Oct / Nov, we have yet go play a gig (Covid and all) and had to toast the bass player, waaaay too much drama he was a 17 year old in a 25 yr old body. Don't think he liked me, sure didn't respect my experience.
Now, partly becuase of a lack of funds, our FANTASTIC young drummer is quitting. We do a song in a studio for Canadian Nation Music Week competition Monday then he is done.

Lead singer says she has only ever played with strangers. Also went through countless members in her previous band. I still say find some mates that play, maybe a buddy of a friend and put something together with no expectations.