LPMarshall hack
Well-Known Member
I hope you were not insinuating killing yourself. Please see someone if you are having those types of thoughts. The WORST thing you can do to your kids is leave them.
Needing some uplifting!!
- Thread starter rocknblues
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Dont let life whip you. Youre bigger than that!
Just the fact that you had a "friend" who was a paedophile is a sign that you had influence in your life that was steering you towards crime, and other self destructive things. People like that can have a destructive influence on your life and they do it subtlely so you wont suspect it.
You better talk to a councellor, but not a psychiatrist who will suggest taking drugs. That will do you in.
Also . This is the time of year where if you are inclined to be a little sorry about a non uneventful year it will turn on stronger. Ride it through . It will pass.
We dont know how old you are, if you have a drinking problem, or drug problem.
Sometimes a step towards a recovery is as easy as "do more of the things that make you happy and do less of the things that make you unhappy.
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Great to hear your responses. I don't want to overspeak on the matter, but I would like to mention a word of strong caution about going down the medications path, which seems the inevitable offering from most psych docs now. I would do a lot of research if they handed me a piece of paper promising a solution to all my life's problems. More often than not, the solution to a lifetime of problems is not going to be resolved by anything other than digging in your dirt, rather than avoiding it.
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0C3DHp36zc"]Peter Gabriel - Digging In The Dirt - YouTube[/ame]
"Digging In The Dirt"
Something in me, dark and sticky
All the time it's getting strong
No way of dealing with this feeling
Can't go on like this too long
[Chorus:]
This time you've gone too far [x3]
I told you [x4]
This time you've gone too far [x3]
I told you [x4]
Don't talk back
Just drive the car
Shut your mouth
I know what you are
Don't say nothing
Keep your hands on the wheel
Don't turn around
This is for real
Digging in the dirt
Stay with me, I need support
I'm digging in the dirt
To find the places I got hurt
Open up the places I got hurt
The more I look, the more I find
As I close on in, I get so blind
I feel it in my head, I feel it in my toes
I feel it in my sex, that's the place it goes
[Chorus]
I'm digging in the dirt
Stay with me I need support
I'm digging in the dirt
To find the places I got hurt
To open up the places I got hurt
Digging in the dirt
To find the places we got hurt
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0C3DHp36zc"]Peter Gabriel - Digging In The Dirt - YouTube[/ame]
"Digging In The Dirt"
Something in me, dark and sticky
All the time it's getting strong
No way of dealing with this feeling
Can't go on like this too long
[Chorus:]
This time you've gone too far [x3]
I told you [x4]
This time you've gone too far [x3]
I told you [x4]
Don't talk back
Just drive the car
Shut your mouth
I know what you are
Don't say nothing
Keep your hands on the wheel
Don't turn around
This is for real
Digging in the dirt
Stay with me, I need support
I'm digging in the dirt
To find the places I got hurt
Open up the places I got hurt
The more I look, the more I find
As I close on in, I get so blind
I feel it in my head, I feel it in my toes
I feel it in my sex, that's the place it goes
[Chorus]
I'm digging in the dirt
Stay with me I need support
I'm digging in the dirt
To find the places I got hurt
To open up the places I got hurt
Digging in the dirt
To find the places we got hurt
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[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiCRZLr9oRw"]Peter Gabriel & Kate Bush -Don't Give Up - YouTube[/ame]
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_IM1KNncA4"]Stevie Nicks - Has Anyone Ever Written Anything For You (with lyrics) - YouTube[/ame]
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_IM1KNncA4"]Stevie Nicks - Has Anyone Ever Written Anything For You (with lyrics) - YouTube[/ame]
rocknblues
Well-Known Member
Aus... your comment about me having criminal friends that would have influence on me is a load of crap. My so-called friend was someome one that the entire community looked up to. He was also a regular foster parent to boys. The whole thing made me sick. It pisses me off to read your statement. I don't resemble the bad crap that I experienced in my life. And I don't get involved in crime. I want to be a good person, but I feel like I'm in a hole. look on So stick your comment up your ass MF'r
I'm 42 and do not do any drugs. I have a few beers now and again, but I never cross the line.
OK, I'm out of this place. Adios all!!!!
shredless
Well-Known Member
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Good luck man
Ive been dealing with the demons for years...they come and go
Ive been considering seeing the shrink again myself, you are not alone in your issues...just by this thread there are a few like yourself
be careful with the meds, they like to push them right off the bat, just resist and talk it through
it may seem ghey talking, but they dont think twice about what you say...just get it out and things will get better
Ive been dealing with the demons for years...they come and go
Ive been considering seeing the shrink again myself, you are not alone in your issues...just by this thread there are a few like yourself
be careful with the meds, they like to push them right off the bat, just resist and talk it through
it may seem ghey talking, but they dont think twice about what you say...just get it out and things will get better
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Well if youre going to sit here and defend the sordid behaviour of a paedophile then youre going to lose brownie points.
Short fuse. Thats quaint.
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Don't leave rocknblues. We can learn things from you. Take what's good, and leave behind what's bad.
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Its ok Vin. That is a sign hes getting better. He wanted uplifting and went from depression to anger.
One of the illusions that councellors back off from.
One of the illusions that councellors back off from.
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Feeling Supersonic
Well-Known Member
You need to transcend your ego and leave your self. You're responsible, remind yourself of that - get some sleep.
The worst thing you can do is believe that you're suffering is for nothing. You need to apply meaning to your apparent suffering.
Self-reflexivity is where it's at, and decent amounts of sleep.
When we are tired we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago [to paraphrase Nietzsche].
You could also listen to some City and Colour. Dallas Green knows where it's at.
I'll leave you with some clippings I have lying around. Sometimes reading another man's thoughts helps gather our own. Some are relevant, some less so - who cares? - I'm tired myself, I don't know why I'm replying.
I hope you can pick yourself up amongst life's miseries.
"Human infirmity in moderating and checking the emotions I name bondage : for, when a man is a prey to his emotions, he is not his own master, but lies at the mercy of fortune : so much so, that he is often compelled, while seeing that which is better for him, to follow that which is worse."
― S.
“Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?”
― A. C
“Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.”
― A. S
“I am more and more convinced that our happiness or unhappiness depends far more on the way we meet the events of life, than on the nature of those events themselves.”
― Wilhelm, VB
“Dostoevski said once, "There is only one thing I dread: not to be worthy of my sufferings." These words frequently came to my mind after I became acquainted with those martyrs whose behavior in camp, whose suffering and death, bore witness to the fact that the last inner freedom cannot be lost. It can be said that they were worthy of the their sufferings; the way they bore their suffering was a genuine inner achievement. It is this spiritual freedom—which cannot be taken away—that makes life meaningful and purposeful.”
― V, EF
“I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?”
― E. H
"It is difficult to find happiness within oneself, but it is impossible to find it anywhere else."
— A. S
"It is an ironic habit of human beings to run faster when they have lost their way."
— R. M
“One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, "My son, the battle was between 2 "wolves" inside us all. One was Evil. It was anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other was Good. It was joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed.”
― Cherokee Indian
"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
— W. C
“He had been bored, that's all, bored like most people. Hence he had made himself out of whole cloth a life full of complications and drama. Something must happen - and that explains most human commitments. Something must happen, even loveless slavery, even war or death. Hurray then for funerals!”
― A. C
“Every intelligent individual wants to know what makes him tick, and yet is at once fascinated and frustrated by the fact that oneself is the most difficult of all things to know.”
― A. W
“Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you.”
― Walt Whitman
“I have frequently seen people become neurotic when they content themselves with inadequate or wrong answers to the questions of life. They seek position, marriage, reputation, outward success of money, and remain unhappy and neurotic even when they have attained what they were seeking. Such people are usually confined within too narrow a spiritual horizon. Their life has not sufficient content, sufficient meaning. If they are enabled to develop into more spacious personalities, the neurosis generally disappears.”
― C.G.
“My life came to a standstill. I could breathe, eat, drink and sleep, and I could not help doing these things; but there was no life, for there were no wishes the fulfilment of which I could consider reasonable. If I desired anything, I knew in advance that whether I satisfied my desire or not, nothing would come of it. Had a fairy come and offered to fulfil my desires I should not have known what to ask. If in moments of intoxication I felt something which, though not a wish, was a habit left by former wishes, in sober moments I knew this to be a delusion and that there was really nothing to wish for. I could not even wish to know the truth, for I guess of what it consisted. The truth was that life is meaningless.”
― Leo T
“Sometimes good things fall apart, so better things can fall together.”
― J, H.
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...”
― Dr. Seuss
“You're on Earth. There's no cure for that.”
― S, B.
Ended with a wonderful poem.
“I measure every Grief I meet
With narrow, probing, Eyes;
I wonder if It weighs like Mine,
Or has an Easier size.
I wonder if They bore it long,
Or did it just begin?
I could not tell the Date of Mine,
It feels so old a pain.
I wonder if it hurts to live,
And if They have to try,
And whether, could They choose between,
It would not be, to die.
I note that Some --
gone patient long --
At length, renew their smile.
An imitation of a Light
That has so little Oil.
I wonder if when Years have piled,
Some Thousands -- on the Harm
Of early hurt -- if such a lapse
Could give them any Balm;
Or would they go on aching still
Through Centuries above,
Enlightened to a larger Pain
By Contrast with the Love.
The Grieved are many,
I am told;
The reason deeper lies, --
Death is but one
and comes but once,
And only nails the eyes.
There's Grief of Want
and Grief of Cold, --
A sort they call "Despair";
There's Banishment from native Eyes,
In sight of Native Air.
And though I may not guess the kind
Correctly, yet to me
A piercing Comfort it affords
In passing Calvary,
To note the fashions of the Cross,
And how they're mostly worn,
Still fascinated to presume
That Some are like My Own.”
― Emily Dickinson
The worst thing you can do is believe that you're suffering is for nothing. You need to apply meaning to your apparent suffering.
Self-reflexivity is where it's at, and decent amounts of sleep.
When we are tired we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago [to paraphrase Nietzsche].
You could also listen to some City and Colour. Dallas Green knows where it's at.
I'll leave you with some clippings I have lying around. Sometimes reading another man's thoughts helps gather our own. Some are relevant, some less so - who cares? - I'm tired myself, I don't know why I'm replying.
I hope you can pick yourself up amongst life's miseries.
"Human infirmity in moderating and checking the emotions I name bondage : for, when a man is a prey to his emotions, he is not his own master, but lies at the mercy of fortune : so much so, that he is often compelled, while seeing that which is better for him, to follow that which is worse."
― S.
“Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?”
― A. C
“Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.”
― A. S
“I am more and more convinced that our happiness or unhappiness depends far more on the way we meet the events of life, than on the nature of those events themselves.”
― Wilhelm, VB
“Dostoevski said once, "There is only one thing I dread: not to be worthy of my sufferings." These words frequently came to my mind after I became acquainted with those martyrs whose behavior in camp, whose suffering and death, bore witness to the fact that the last inner freedom cannot be lost. It can be said that they were worthy of the their sufferings; the way they bore their suffering was a genuine inner achievement. It is this spiritual freedom—which cannot be taken away—that makes life meaningful and purposeful.”
― V, EF
“I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?”
― E. H
"It is difficult to find happiness within oneself, but it is impossible to find it anywhere else."
— A. S
"It is an ironic habit of human beings to run faster when they have lost their way."
— R. M
“One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, "My son, the battle was between 2 "wolves" inside us all. One was Evil. It was anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other was Good. It was joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed.”
― Cherokee Indian
"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
— W. C
“He had been bored, that's all, bored like most people. Hence he had made himself out of whole cloth a life full of complications and drama. Something must happen - and that explains most human commitments. Something must happen, even loveless slavery, even war or death. Hurray then for funerals!”
― A. C
“Every intelligent individual wants to know what makes him tick, and yet is at once fascinated and frustrated by the fact that oneself is the most difficult of all things to know.”
― A. W
“Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you.”
― Walt Whitman
“I have frequently seen people become neurotic when they content themselves with inadequate or wrong answers to the questions of life. They seek position, marriage, reputation, outward success of money, and remain unhappy and neurotic even when they have attained what they were seeking. Such people are usually confined within too narrow a spiritual horizon. Their life has not sufficient content, sufficient meaning. If they are enabled to develop into more spacious personalities, the neurosis generally disappears.”
― C.G.
“My life came to a standstill. I could breathe, eat, drink and sleep, and I could not help doing these things; but there was no life, for there were no wishes the fulfilment of which I could consider reasonable. If I desired anything, I knew in advance that whether I satisfied my desire or not, nothing would come of it. Had a fairy come and offered to fulfil my desires I should not have known what to ask. If in moments of intoxication I felt something which, though not a wish, was a habit left by former wishes, in sober moments I knew this to be a delusion and that there was really nothing to wish for. I could not even wish to know the truth, for I guess of what it consisted. The truth was that life is meaningless.”
― Leo T
“Sometimes good things fall apart, so better things can fall together.”
― J, H.
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...”
― Dr. Seuss
“You're on Earth. There's no cure for that.”
― S, B.
Ended with a wonderful poem.
“I measure every Grief I meet
With narrow, probing, Eyes;
I wonder if It weighs like Mine,
Or has an Easier size.
I wonder if They bore it long,
Or did it just begin?
I could not tell the Date of Mine,
It feels so old a pain.
I wonder if it hurts to live,
And if They have to try,
And whether, could They choose between,
It would not be, to die.
I note that Some --
gone patient long --
At length, renew their smile.
An imitation of a Light
That has so little Oil.
I wonder if when Years have piled,
Some Thousands -- on the Harm
Of early hurt -- if such a lapse
Could give them any Balm;
Or would they go on aching still
Through Centuries above,
Enlightened to a larger Pain
By Contrast with the Love.
The Grieved are many,
I am told;
The reason deeper lies, --
Death is but one
and comes but once,
And only nails the eyes.
There's Grief of Want
and Grief of Cold, --
A sort they call "Despair";
There's Banishment from native Eyes,
In sight of Native Air.
And though I may not guess the kind
Correctly, yet to me
A piercing Comfort it affords
In passing Calvary,
To note the fashions of the Cross,
And how they're mostly worn,
Still fascinated to presume
That Some are like My Own.”
― Emily Dickinson
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[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gLMSf4afzo[/ame]
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Just because you know someone that turned out to be something you never suspected doesn't mean they had any influence on you to take on the same behavior. That was a ****ed up thing to say!
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Says you.
Why is everybody against medication? Is it anti depressants your talking about?
Just remember you aren't alone. Lots of people struggle with similar things, and some people (like me) have the natural desire to isolate themselves when things get tough. I too had an abusive upbringing and I pretty much never talk about it unless asked, and even then I do my best to avoid it. I know talking to someone about it is one of the hardest things to do, but if it's someone you can trust it's definitely a healthy thing.
One thing that works well for me is to be helpful and volunteer for stuff. I'm one of the go-to guys in my circle for lots of random stuff, whether it be PC work, moving/towing stuff, fixing things, tech advice, or even just general labor if someone needs help with something. I've found if I'm helping others then I'm too busy to think about my own past and the struggles within me. Some introspection is good, but (for me at least) it gets too much way too quickly and that leads to all kinds of bad moods.
I'm not sure if that helps in any way, but if you can get past some of the nonsense on this forum, there are some great guys with a variety of life experiences who can help you.
The brain is a delicate organ with a lot of mysteries, and modern medical practice (from what I've seen) seems to be a game of darts. Throw a dart at a wall full of medicines and try the pill it hit. If it doesn't do anything, throw another dart and try that one too. That's pretty cynical of me but it does sum up my experience with the healthcare system. I think medication (especially the mind-altering stuff) needs to be avoided unless it's clear there's no other way, and even then if at all possible it should be temporary. Medication can help block symptoms but it rarely fixes the root issue.
One thing that works well for me is to be helpful and volunteer for stuff. I'm one of the go-to guys in my circle for lots of random stuff, whether it be PC work, moving/towing stuff, fixing things, tech advice, or even just general labor if someone needs help with something. I've found if I'm helping others then I'm too busy to think about my own past and the struggles within me. Some introspection is good, but (for me at least) it gets too much way too quickly and that leads to all kinds of bad moods.
I'm not sure if that helps in any way, but if you can get past some of the nonsense on this forum, there are some great guys with a variety of life experiences who can help you.
The brain is a delicate organ with a lot of mysteries, and modern medical practice (from what I've seen) seems to be a game of darts. Throw a dart at a wall full of medicines and try the pill it hit. If it doesn't do anything, throw another dart and try that one too. That's pretty cynical of me but it does sum up my experience with the healthcare system. I think medication (especially the mind-altering stuff) needs to be avoided unless it's clear there's no other way, and even then if at all possible it should be temporary. Medication can help block symptoms but it rarely fixes the root issue.
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Yeah says me, I've been there. It turned out to be my own baptist preacher pastor of a church as long as I can remember grandfather! He was ousted from the family and died alone on probation for molesting my 2 young nieces. No one suspected a thing until then, but it had been going on all along right under our noses with other kids. Yeah, I know something about that! I'm glad you've got a perfect life and don't know anyone that was hiding anything from you. ...must be nice, but as they say, "ignorance is bliss".
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And thats where things have to change. Do you know what, a paedophile can plead insanity and thats that. Plead insanity is a ticket out of being responsible for the crime in this society.
My posts stand. There will be others here that take some positivity from them.
RockinBlues will hopefully relook at the post that impinged on him and ponder on why it really hair triggered him.
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